don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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