3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
