But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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