in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
