Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
