matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
