did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Screwed.edu
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Can I color on your dick again?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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