Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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