Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
