How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
id be glad to
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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