Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
