he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
