I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
