Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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