my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm too high and old for this...
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