I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
