I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
