Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
