I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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