note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Randomize
