she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
