Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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