You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I know her cup size but not her name....
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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