This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
