I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
