I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
