can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
