Whatcha textin bout Willis?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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