I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
