my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
nutella sex= disaster
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
