i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
