I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
