Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
