i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
