New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
