I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
