there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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