only if we run a train.
done.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
