"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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