Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
