i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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