2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
