STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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