Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
