Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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