i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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