I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
