i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
