i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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