i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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