The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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